From the archives: The Two Sides

This is from a column I wrote in my fifth-year of college.


We have been told there are always two sides to every story, but what no one tells you is that even if you know both sides, you never will know the entire story.

Relationships are a classic example.

The beginning of a relationship is great. Both people get along and have manners, and there is no drama.

No drama, that is, for a month or so, until someone says something the other takes out of context, and the inevitable first fight begins. You can communicate, but two people never hear the same conversation, especially when they both already know what they want to hear. We've all had it happen and had the chance to look back, talk with the other person and realize the way you interpreted certain comments wasn't the way they were meant.


Sometimes, however, the talk about the miscommunication never happens, and everything falls apart.For example, let's look at Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson. When they first ended their marriage, it seemed Lachey had plenty to say about what happened and how horrible Simpson made him feel. Many fans took sides.

A little later, Jessica started to say what she thought happened, and her side seemed just as sad. It made everyone think again. Who was in the wrong?

I'm sure their friends were taking sides. However, how can anyone take sides when no one really knows what happened? Jessica and Nick themselves might not know exactly what happened. One of them could have said something that was taken completely out of context by the other. The only way to figure out what happened would to have been a fly on the wall during their entire relationship. Only then could things be figured out.

But what about couples on campus? When they break up, someone always says, "Oh it was her fault," or "It was his fault. He did this; she said that." Usually, in a relationship, both parties blame each other, and then friends choose sides based on what one of the people formerly in the relationship said. But what about the other side?

Even if the other person has a chance to say what he or she thinks happened, no one ever really will know, because people see what they want, and once sides are chosen, it's hard to get people to switch.

How can we, as friends, decide to be mad or not speak to one person in a relationship and blame the end of it on the other when it's impossible to know precisely what happened?

Things always can be sugar-coated, or seen differently, because people never think - or want to think - it's their fault. But in a relationship - ended or not - no one can be to blame. It didn't work, even if you wanted it to more than anything. The two weren't the same person. They didn't think the same, and they probably didn't know the other's entire history, those things that make people do quirky things. Yes, they loved each other, but they saw things differently.

I do know that when a relationship ends, both people still love the person they thought they knew. But with enough time, they are able to forgive their ex for things they thought were done maliciously. Things that, in fact, were not done with evil intent. So who is right? No one.

For the most part, there can be no Team Jessica and no Team Nick, because we don't know their history and never will. Even with our closest friends and their relationships, we'll never know exactly what happened, even after hearing both sides of the story.

Just remember: there are always two sides to a story, and no one, including those involved, will ever understand exactly what happened. If you take nothing else from this column, remember this: no one can be blamed in a relationship. There are no sides. It's life, and we're still learning about and from each other.