Once upon a time...

…there was a beautiful, talented, wholesome girl. We’ll call her Rhoda. * Rhoda was a girl who was frequently asked out by boys, and on good days, men; however, Rhoda was never truly interested in the people from this species who chose to ask her out. Instead, she kept waiting for someone to sweep her off her feet, or, as she put it, “be lucky enough to have me be somewhat interested…oh, and carry a bottle of wine at all times.”

When Rhoda wasn’t being asked on dates, she kept a very busy schedule with friends, Maggie*, Amanda* and work. She was an incredibly sought after marketing executive who had recently spun off from her former boss’s company to create her own, Rhoda’s Awesome Marketing.

Rhoda’s Awesome Marketing came about after she had an elicit affair with her boss of one year, Dave,* and soon found out he was balding and quite a bit older than she had originally thought. Overall, their relationship had been a good one for that week, but she eventually figured out that she deserved better.

Her marketing firm was doing fantastic business and was recently the front-page article detailing her new business invention, Being Nice, for Fortune magazine. It was a huge hit and helped many companies to be more adept at their business. Because of the publicity of this article, even Microsoft contacted Rhoda directly and asked for her help as a consultant in the marketing department.

Of course, Rhoda agreed – how could she not consider making $1 million for a short-term contract? – and called up her friend Maggie, the only Project Team Assistant who had worked her way up in the consulting firm Vain & Company to manager.

When Rhoda called asking her for consulting help, Maggie quickly obliged and sent one of her most accomplished consultants to be by Rhoda’s side.

Josh Tugudtobtru,* who had his undergrad from Harvard and MBA from Stanford, quickly became one of Rhoda’s greatest side kicks. Rhoda and Josh became instant friends and told each other everything, except Josh had a secret that he didn’t dare share with Rhoda.

He had seen her stunning picture on the cover of Fortune magazine and had been crazy about her since, and only a month after beginning working with Rhoda was soon deep in love with the marketing temptress.

Maggie had not known of Josh’s admiration of her good friend and had been on the prowl looking for a perfect guy for Rhoda. She had been scouring every place she could think to find Rhoda’s perfect man, the pizza place, the wine store, every happy hour in town and even Rhoda’s firm, but she found none good enough for Rhoda; until one day when a co-worker of Maggie’s set up camp at the computer behind hers to work on a program. His name was John Hotforeigner,* from England. Maggie had spoken with him a few times before, at Vain sponsored parties, and one of the interns thought he was interested in Maggie, but Maggie dismissed this assumption. In her mind, he was already dating Rhoda.

He was handsome, a gentleman, had a great job and knew three different languages fluently. Not to mention he was tall and from England. Oh, and he also had a good personality.

Maggie decided to introduce him to Rhoda at one of their Italian club meetings. She spoke with John throughout that Wednesday and eventually persuaded him to come to the ICTD meeting by informing him of a great business contact he could meet, James Gandolfini, the meeting coordinator.

That evening, Rhoda and John met, ate pasta and chatted about their careers and hobbies. Maggie was pleased to see that they got along well, but was surprised when Rhoda later said that she wasn’t that interested in John and he seemed interested in Maggie. Being that this was the second time that she had now heard he might be interested in her, Maggie thought this was ridiculous, but decided to really look into it.

In the meantime, Rhoda and Josh continued to work together, however Josh was beginning to feel that he needed to kiss Rhoda, touch her or do anything just to be near her. Pretending his feelings weren’t real wasn’t working anymore - he could barely contain himself!

Finally, one evening, when Rhoda and Josh were working late, Josh suggested getting a bottle of wine to share for a break since they’d been working almost 12 hours straight. Rhoda agreed and the two sat in the middle of the firm sipping wine together and working on the presentation for the next day.

A few glasses of wine and 20 excel spreadsheets later; Josh could help himself no longer. Without thinking he reached over, grasped Rhoda’s arm with his right hand, brought his face closer to hers and kissed her.

At first Rhoda resisted, but then she slowly gave in as the magic of his kiss touched her. Then, Josh let go, astounded at what he had done, but more surprised at how incredible it was to kiss her.

This started the beginning of a beautiful relationship and soon, marriage. During Rhoda’s marriage ceremony, she said in her speech that without Maggie, she never would have found Josh.

And what about Maggie and John? Well, Maggie finally realized that John spoke mostly to her and he had asked her out on two dates already but she hadn’t noticed that’s what he had intended. The two began to date frequently and had a good relationship for a month before Maggie got bored and moved on to someone else at her work, Richard Finallybrkeupwhisgirlfriend.*

* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

The weight game

More and more lately, I've been hearing about every woman’s fight with her looks. Although this isn’t a new subject, I have been bombarded with information surrounding weight and plastic surgery more so than usual.

In our American culture today, a large part is about weight and body image. When women get together, a majority of the time, at least one says something about how they are dissatisfied with their body image. Appalachian State University calls this “fat talk,” and it requires the conversers to say something negative about their body, too. In fact, women in the conversation are looked down upon if they don’t say anything negative about themselves.

Consequently, one in five young women now take diet pills. The University of Minnesota conducted a study of 2500 teens and found that 63 percent of teenage girls are engaging in unhealthy weight behaviors, such as the use of diet pills, laxatives, vomiting, and skipping meals. Although the girls think this will help them lose weight, ironically, it actually is more likely to contribute to weight gain.

Some women are so upset with their looks, that they are demanding drastic changes to their body through plastic surgery. One woman asked for her belly button to be taken completely off.

How has it gotten so bad that we hate how we look? Models in the 1980s, such as Cindy Crawford and Naomi Campbell, were regularly a size 4 to 6, however, now, model sizes are 0 to 4. When did a size 6 become fat? We need to embrace ourselves for who we are and what weight we are normally. One study has shown that actually being happy with yourself leads you to be at a healthy, normal weight.

Tracy Tylka, assistant professor of psychology at Ohio State University, demonstrated how women who are more comfortable with their bodies are far more likely to follow a healthy eating regimen.

"The message that women often hear is that some degree of body dissatisfaction is healthy because it could help them strive to take care of their bodies. But it may be just the opposite: an appreciation of your body is needed to really adopt better eating habits," Tylka said.

If everyone looked the same, it would be boring. Variety is the spice of life, so let’s live it up!

MEMORANDUM

TO: Laos
COPY: Dallas Fire Department
FROM: Former client
DATE: March 3, 2008
SUBJECT: Your duty


Dear Laos,

Recently, I had the misfortune (I say fortune) to call your station as an emergency arose. My dog, Mudd, fell into a hole in our house that we were remodeling. Being that Mudd is blind and deaf and certainly cannot get out from underneath the house, we had to call your services.

I must say that it was a privilege to see you at work, saving our beloved dog from certain doom. I admired your valor (and strong arms) as you pried up floorboards and hacked your way through darkness while not once showing any fear. (I have to ask, do you work out often?)

After successfully saving part of my family and departing back to the station, I decided I needed to thank you for your undying devotion to the art of saving kittens in trees and dogs under houses. So, I did what any single, hot-blooded, young woman would do. I made you banana bread and delivered it to you the next day, with phone number attached. But this time, you failed me.

I noticed on your Web site that your mission statement says, “Our mission is to prevent and suppress fires, educate and rescue citizens, provide emergency medical services, promote public safety and foster community relations.” However, you failed to do the last one. I know you felt it as much as I did Laos, so why did you not call? Your chiseled features and strong legs, lifting my toy poodle from a hazardous situation; your smile to me when I say we’ll do this again soon; the way you seemed so concerned when you asked what the problem was… *sigh.*

I’m sure the fireman’s code says it is your duty to romance a woman in distress, but yet, I have not heard from you. You came to my house and rescued a damsel/dog in distress, arriving on your big, red steed; wearing your large, princely pants to hide your huge…muscles, but left this princess all alone even after the giving of sacred banana bread.

I feel I must remind you that you have not yet completed your duties, but I shall forgive you once you arrive at my doorstep after reading this memo. I look forward to your speedy return.

Love,
Rita